I think about the other three nights. Night High 1: the initial decision to stay awake, fueled by purpose or avoidance. Night High 2: the slump, the bargaining with yourself ("just thirty more minutes"). Night High 3: the breakthrough, when the world goes quiet and your thoughts run clear and cold like mountain water.
That's where I am now. The window is open to the fire escape. The street below is wet from a rain that stopped an hour ago. No cars. No sirens. Just the low hum of the refrigerator and my own heartbeat, which seems to have synchronized with the flickering neon sign across the alley. night high 4
Somewhere, a train horn in the distance. A sound like a question mark. I think about the other three nights
So I stay. I watch the neon sign flicker. I listen to the refrigerator hum. I let the walls breathe. Night High 3: the breakthrough, when the world
I don't want to sleep. Not because I'm not tired—I am, bone-tired in a way that sleep might not even cure—but because leaving Night High 4 means admitting that this strange, hollow, beautiful state will end. And then it will be morning, and the world will demand things again.
But Night High 4 is different. It's not productive. It's not euphoric. It's the moment you realize you've crossed into a country that doesn't exist on any map. The birds haven't started singing yet. The sun is still hours away. You are suspended in a pocket of time that belongs only to you and the few other insomniacs, night workers, and lost souls who know its address.